omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
