That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
