Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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