I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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