Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
