At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
