I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
