Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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