Sry I called you an 8
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
