im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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