Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
