im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
