i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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