Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
