you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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