we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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