I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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