so that wasnt chicken after all
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
