So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
