btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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