I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
