Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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