Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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