Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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