Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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