Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
