we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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