I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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