I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
