Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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