I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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