Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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