She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
