why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
