Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
