Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
