Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
