Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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