They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
