This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
