i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
