He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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