True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
