Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
