i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
