What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
