That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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