That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
