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So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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