In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
