From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
