you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
