You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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