She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
