you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I didn't notice because vodka
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
