She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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