If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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