He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
