apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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