well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
