He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sext me about skeletons
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
